Tuesday Jokes 116

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A man was being interviewed for a job. "Were you in the service?" the interviewer asks.
"Yes, I was a Marine," responds the applicant.
"Did you see any active duty?"
"I was in Vietnam for two years and I have a partial disability."
"May I ask what happened?"
"Well, I had a grenade go off between my legs and I lost both testicles."
"You're hired. You can start Monday at 10 a.m."
"When does everyone else start? I don't want any preferential treatment because of my disability."

"Everyone else starts at 7 a.m., but I might as well be honest with you. Nothing gets done between 7 and 10. We just sit around scratching our balls trying to decide what to do first!"


He said - Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make love to you really badly. 

She said - Well, you succeeded!


A: Just look at that young person with the short hair and blue jeans. Is it a boy or a girl?
B: It's a girl. She's, my daughter.
A: Oh, I'm sorry, sir. I didn't know that you were her father.

B: I'm not. I'm her mother!




The patient says, "Doctor, I have a pain in my eye whenever I drink tea."

The doctor says, "Take the spoon out of the mug before you drink!"




Two blondes were driving along a road by a wheat field when they saw a blonde in the middle of the field rowing a boat. 

The driver blonde turned to her friend and said "You know - it's blondes like that that give us a bad name!"

To this, the other blonde replies "I know it and if I knew how to swim, I'd go out there and drown her!"




The patient says, "Doctor, you've got to help me. Nobody ever listens to me. No one ever pays any attention to what I have to say."



The doctor says, "Next, please!"





A teenage girl had been talking on the phone for about half an hour and then she hung up.



"Wow!," said her father, "That was short. You usually talk for two hours. What happened?"



"Wrong number!" replied the girl.


Martin and Tina were married for some time. Lately Martin was in two minds whether Tina was a good wife to him. 

One day, Martin took his donkey to a field near his house to get some work done. After a while he saw Tina come towards them with food for him, fodder for the animal and water for both of them. That instant he decided that Tina was a good woman after all.

But when Tina was feeding the donkey, the animal kicked her in the head killing her instantly. Martin was sorry. At the funeral his friend Dean saw some women looking at Tina and then at Martin. Martin moved his head up and down. Dean next observed some men look at the donkey and then at Marin who shook his head side by side.

Later Dean asked Martin what it was all about. Martin said: “Women looked at me to confirm Tina was a good wife, I said ‘yes'. 

Next men looked at me, which meant if the donkey was for sale, I categorically said ‘No!!!'”
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