Holiday Jokes July 22

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Sam walks into his boss’s office and says: “Sir, I’ll be straight with you, I know the economy isn’t great but I have three companies after me, and I would like to respectfully ask for a raise.” After a few minutes of haggling the boss finally agrees to a 5 percent raise and Sam happily gets up to leave. “By the way,” asks the boss as Sam is getting up, “which three companies are after you?” “The electric company, water company, and phone company,” Sam replied.


Q: What do you get when you plant kisses?

A: Two lips!
 
Q: What does a man who has everything get for his birthday?

A: A burglar alarm!


A young businessman had just started his own firm. He rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques. Sitting there, he saw a man come into the outer office. Hoping to look like a hot shot, the businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he was working on a big, important business deal. He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments. Finally, he hung up and asked the visitor, “Can I help you?” The man said, “Yeah, I’ve come to activate your phone lines.”


Bob: What’s gray, has four legs and a trunk?
Jim: An elephant.
Bob: No, a mouse on vacation.


Stephan: Where did the sheep go on vacation?
Michael: Where?
Stephan: The Baa-hamas!


Why did the teacher jump into the pool? 

Because he wanted to test the water!
 
A salesman dropped in to see a business customer. Not a soul was in the office except a big dog emptying wastepaper baskets. The salesman stared at the animal, wondering if his imagination could be playing tricks on him. The dog looked up and said, “Don’t be surprised. This is just part of my job.” “Incredible!” exclaimed the man. “I can’t believe it! Does your boss know what a prize he has in you? An animal that can talk!” “Please don’t!” said the dog. “If he finds out I can talk, he’ll make me answer the phone, too!”
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