Sunday Jokes 103

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A man went to a psychiatrist for his phobia.
"Doc," he said, "I've got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there's somebody under it. I get under the bed; I think there's somebody on top of it. Top, under, top, under. You got to help me; I'm going crazy!"
"Just put yourself in my hands for two years," said the psychiatrist, "Come to see me three times a week, and I'll cure your fears."
"How much do you charge?"

"A hundred ringgit per visit." "I'll sleep on it," said the man.

Six months later the doctor met the man on the street.
"Why didn't you ever come to see me again?" asked the psychiatrist.

"For a hundred ringgit a visit! A bartender cured me for just ten ringgit." 

"Is that so! How?"

"He told me to cut the legs off the bed!"
 
Pilots often fly into birds. 

That's why they're avi-haters!


I like my job only marginally more than I like being homeless!




I stopped at the local Burger King for a cold drink and was reading the menu over the counter. 

I noticed a sign to the side that stated "Picture Menu Available".

I had to ask the clerk what it was for and they told me that they had a number of customers who couldn't read and they used that.
Of course, I asked how would they know this picture menu was available and the answer was the classic, "Well, it says so on the sign, doesn't it?"



I pretend to work as long as they pretend to pay me!


My friend's tiny pompano puppy named Victory always goes after my shoe laces when I sit on her sofa.
You might say I’m forced to snatch de' feet from the jaws of victory!



Q. Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
A. Because those men already have boyfriends!


Two elderly folks in a nursing home wanted to get married. Their doctor took each one into his office separately to try and talk them out of it.
He called in the woman and told her that the man had already suffered two heart attacks.
She told the doctor that she didn't care.
The doctor called in the man and told him the woman was suffering from acute angina.
"I know!" he said. "I peeked!"

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