Hari Raya Haji Jokes

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Prove that the crocodile is longer than it is wide.
Lemma 1. The crocodile is longer than it is green: Let's look at the crocodile. 
It is long on the top and on the bottom, but it is green only on the top. 
Therefore, the crocodile is longer than it is green.
Lemma 2. The crocodile is greener than it is wide: Let's look at the crocodile. 
It is green along its length and width, but it is wide only along its width. 
Therefore, the crocodile is greener than it is wide.
From Lemma 1 and Lemma 2, we conclude that the crocodile is longer than it is wide.
The strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of one of the older workmen. After several minutes, the older worker had had enough. "Why don't you put your money where your mouth is," he said. "I will bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that outbuilding that you won't be able to wheel back." "You're on, old man," the braggart replied. "Let's see what you got." The old man reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then, nodding to the young man, he said, "All right. Get in."

A father and his son go into the grocery store and when they happened to be in the condom aisle. The son asks his father why there are so many different boxes of condoms. The father replies, ''Well, you see that 3-pack? That's for when you're in high school. You have 2 for Friday night and 1 for Saturday night.'' The son then asks his father, ''What's the 6-pack for?'' The father replies, ''Well, that's for when you're in college. You have 2 for Friday night, 2 for Saturday night, and 2 for Sunday morning.'' Then the son asks his father what the 12-pack is for. The father replies, ''Well, that's for when you're married. You have one for January, one for February, one for March, one for.....''



Every time, an Indian walks into the chief's teepee, he finds the chief is masturbating. They finally realize this is a serious problem, so they fix him up with a nice woman, and she starts living with him in his teepee.
One day, one of the Indians walks into the chief's teepee and there's the chief masturbating again. He says, "Chief, what are you doing? We fix you up with a beautiful woman."
The chief says, "Her arm gets tired."

My wife said last night: "You treat our marriage like it's some sort of game."
Unfortunately, this cost her 12 points and a bonus chance.

A woman was chatting with her next-door neighbor. "I feel really good today. I started out this morning with an act of unselfish generosity. I gave a five-ringgit bill to a bum."
"You gave a bum five whole ringgit? That's a lot of money to just give away. What did your husband say about it?"

“When the hospital nurse asked me if my bowels had moved, I assured her that they had come with me as I headed to the toilet.”

A cop pulls over a guy in a vehicle.
"Your eyes are awfully red. Have you been drinking?"
"Gee, officer," the man said.
"Your eyes are awfully glazed - have you been eating doughnuts?"


A young couple got married and left on their honeymoon.
When they got back, the bride immediately called her mother.
Her mother asked, "how was the honeymoon?"
"Oh, mama," she replied, "The honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic ... "
Suddenly she burst out crying ...


A young banker decided to get his first tailor-made suit. So, he went to the finest tailor in town and got measured for a suit. A week later he went in for his first fitting. He put on the suit and he looked fabulous, he felt that in this suit he can do business.
As he was preening himself in front of the mirror, he reached down to put his hands in the pockets and to his surprise, he noticed that there were no pockets. He mentioned this to the tailor who asked him, "Didn't you tell me you were a banker?"
The young man answered, "Yes, I did."
To this, the tailor said, "Whoever heard of a banker with his hands in his own pockets?"
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