The Unspoken Burden This Is What I Ve Learned From Being A Woman In Marriage

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Hari ni I just want to share some incredibly personal insights from a journey many of us, women might find ourselves on, often without even realizing it until it's too late. It’s a story about marriage, partnership, and the silent weight we sometimes carry, leading us down paths we never anticipated.
The Honeymoon Phase: When Competence Becomes a Crutch Burden

So let me paint you this picture: you’re a highly capable woman. You ace your job, you're financially independent, you look great, you dress well, you take care of yourself. Basically, you're totally-that-boss-bitch-domestic-goddess-martha-stewart-wifey-material. When you get married, you naturally, almost instinctively, start doing a lot of things by default. Why? Because you’re efficient, you're strategic, and frankly, you just get things done. You just figure it out all by yourself. No big deal. 
Instead of waiting for decisions, you make them. Planning a date? Done. Booking a trip? Handled. Managing finances, ordering groceries, organizing the household? You probably just do it because you're so competent. Tak perlu nak tunggu subsidi orang bantu, orang ajar, orang suap, minta tolong Mak, minta tolong Kakak, Abang. What the fuck? Are you 15? or 40

You know that instant "ick" feeling when outsiders wade into your personal business? For me, it boils down to two big headaches: future disputes and unnecessary drama. It's like everyone suddenly feels entitled to know every single detail about your "internal affairs". And the worst part? They often feel just as entitled to weigh in with their opinions, especially when they claim you "need their help." Adoi.

For your partner, who might be a little slower, a little less decisive, this dynamic quickly sets in. You’re doing things faster, more seamlessly, and before you know it, he starts to think, "Wow, she's got it covered! Guess I can squeeze in more sleep..." Or more video games. Or more... whatever. The intention might not be malicious, but the outcome is clear: the mental load shifts onto your shoulders.
The Parenthood Power-Up: When the Load Becomes a Gunung Kinabalu

Then, BAM! Kids enter the picture. Those And let me tell you, this dynamic isn't just exacerbated; it’s multiplied by a thousand. Now, not only are you running the entire show – managing the household, the finances, the social calendar – you're also juggling breastfeeding, night duty, planning every single kid's activity, school registrations, tuition prep... the list feels endless.

Suddenly, you’re looking around, feeling this simmering anger. You’re literally doing everything. The thought echoes in your mind: "I'm better off on my own. Not only is this guy not contributing or helping, he's trapping me as a single mother within this marriage!" Kan!

The truly maddening part? He's often completely oblivious to your pain. He’s just thinking, "Great, my life hasn't really changed. She’s got it figured out. Even if I did try to help, what's the point? I don't get praise; I'm taken for granted."
The Breaking Point: Where Paths Diverge

This is where you hit the wall, the critical impasse. One of two things usually happens:
She files for divorce. The burden becomes unbearable, and the path to freedom seems clearer and less taxing than staying. She drops everything. And I mean everything. No more laundry, no breakfast, no kid duty, no morning drop-offs. It's as if she's mentally and emotionally packed up and left, even if her body is still physically there. To the Husbands: A Critical Window of Hope

If you're a husband reading this and your partner hasn't left yet, consider yourself lucky. There’s a critical window, a fragile thread of hope she's still clinging to. But for things to stay together, one thing absolutely needs to happen: You need to step up.

Remember when you first started dating? When you’d drive two hours just to talk to her, or stay up all night just to listen to her breathe? That level of effort? Now is when you need to put in that work, or even more. Pick up all the slack. Take on all the burden that she has been carrying by herself. This isn’t about being perfect; it’s about showing up, consistently and meaningfully

To the Women: Reclaiming Our Power (and Sanity)

Ya ya ya, kena kena bersabar dan bersyukur. Tapi sampai bila? Memendam rasa, berdosa je being in a marriage. So, like I said— tak payah

"Tuhan tidak akan mengubah nasib sesuatu kaum sehingga mereka mengubah apa yang ada pada diri mereka sendiri"Surah Ar-Ra'd ayat 11
And now, a little tough love for us, the highly capable women. Based on my real life experience eh, the man doesn't stand a chance if you expect him to do everything perfectly, exactly to your standard. I can tell you, perfection is often the enemy of good, especially in relationships. Learn to outsource like a CEO. Delegate! Give praise where it's deserved – even for small efforts. Let go of some of those perfectionistic standards you might have. 
And here's the hard truth: I can tell you from personal experience that even after I lowered my expectations and learned to delegate and praise, I still found myself needing to walk away. Sometimes, even 'good enough' isn't the right fit, no matter how much you adjust your lens. Know your worth

You might actually have a shot at surviving this and transforming your marriage into a true partnership. Otherwise? Kalau benda kecil pun nak dicakap, ditulis, diingatkan, all the mental workload falls on you? Tak Payah. Life is so short to be wasted. You already have kids on your own, why should you be teaching "another woman's son"? So, divorce becomes a very real, very likely outcome. And most of the time it turned out the best decision we took

So— where are you on the cycle of marriage

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