Saturday Jokes 270

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Wawasan Hill Trail, Puchong, Selangor, Malaysia this morning.An Arab diplomat visiting the United States for the first time was being dined by the State Department. The Grand Emir was unused to the salt in American foods ( french fries, cheeses, salami, anchovies etc.) and was constantly sending his man-servant Abdul to fetch him a glass of water. Time and again, Abdul would scamper off and return with a glass of water but then came the time when he returned empty-handed. Abdul, you son of an ugly camel, where is my water? demanded the Grand Emir. A thousand pardons, O Illustrious One, stammered the wretched Abdul, white man sit on well!
 
The Lee family has been really stressing me out!
Perhaps you know them…
Emotional Lee, Physical Lee, Mental Lee and let’s not forget Financial Lee!
 
What do you call an Ethiopian taking a shit?
A show-off!
 
What did the Tin Man say when he got run over by a steamroller?
“Curses! Foil again!”.
 
The drunk was floundering down the alley carrying a box with holes on the side.
He bumped into a friend who asked, “What do you have in there, pal?”
“A mongoose.”
“What for?”
“Well, you know how drunk I can get. When I get drunk, I see snakes, and I’m scared to death of snakes. That’s why I got this mongoose, for protection.”
“But,” the friend said, “you idiot! Those are imaginary snakes.”
“That’s okay,” said the drunk, showing his friend the interior of the box, “So is the mongoose!
 
Part of growing up is learning your strengths and weaknesses.
What better way to figure out that hand-eye coordination is not your thing than by getting drilled in the mouth by a red, rubber ball?
You only got to get beaned in the face so many times before you figure out, I better hit the books because this is not working out!
 
A husband and wife were driving down a country lane on their way to visit some friends. They came to a muddy patch in the road and the car became bogged.
After a few minutes of trying to get the car out by themselves, they saw a young farmer coming down the lane, driving some oxen before him.
He stopped when he saw the couple in trouble and offered to pull the car out of the mud for $50. The husband accepted, and minutes later, the car was free.
The farmer turned to the husband and said, “You know, you’re the tenth car I’ve helped out of the mud today.”
The husband looks around at the fields, incredulously, and asks the farmer, “When do you have time to plough your land? At night?
“No,” the young farmer replied, seriously. “Night is when I put the water in the big hole!”
 
A man owned a small farm in Perak. The Labour Department claimed he was not paying proper wages to his helpers and sent an officer to interview him.
“You just give me a list of your employees and tell me how much you pay them.”
“All right,” said the farmer. “I have a hired man. Been with me for three years. I pay him RM 500 a week, plus room and board. I have a cook. She’s been here six months. She gets RM 400 a week plus room and board.”
“Anybody else?” asked the officer as he scribbled on a note pad.
“Yeah,” the farmer said. “This guy is none too bright. Works about eighteen hours a day. I pay him ten ringgit a week and give him chewing tobacco.”
“Aha!” the officer roared. “I want to talk to that man!”
“Speaking,” said the farmer.
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