Saturday Jokes 200
Night view of Mount Kinabalu from Kg. Giok, Tamparuli, Sabah, Malaysia yesterday.
One day, a guy went into a store, just browsing.
He suddenly saw a statue of a
rat made of bronze, and thought that it was interesting. He decided to buy it,
and so he did.
The guy walked out of the
store, carrying the statue in his arms. Suddenly some rats started following
him.
He shrugged it off, and continued
on his way.
As he walked along, more and
more rats started following him, until all the rats in the city were behind
him.
He suddenly realized that it
was the statue that was doing this.
He headed towards the bay that
resided next to the city, and threw the statue in. The rats followed, not
caring about their immediate deaths.
The guy ran back to the store,
and when he reached it, the store owner said, "No refunds".
The guy shook his head, and
said, "No, no, I was wondering if you have any statues like the one, I
bought, only shaped like a lawyer!"
After finishing our Chinese food, my husband and
I cracked open our fortune cookies.
Mine read, “Be quiet for a
little while.”
His read, “Talk while you have a chance!”
A henpecked husband was advised by a psychiatrist
to assert himself.
"You don't have to let your wife bully
you," he said. "Go home and show her you're the boss."
The husband decided to take the doctor's advice.
He went home, slammed the door, saw his wife and growled, "From now on
you're taking orders from me. I want my supper right now, and after you get it
on the table, go upstairs and lay out my clothes.
Tonight, I am going out with the boys. You are
going to stay at home where you belong. Another thing, you know who is going to
tie my bow tie?"
"I certainly do," said his wife calmly,
"the undertaker!"
Mary Clancy goes up to Father McGuire after his
Sunday morning service, and she's in tears.
He says, "So what's bothering you, Mary my
dear?"
She says, "Oh, Father,
I've got terrible news. My husband passed away last night."
The priest says, "Oh,
Mary, that's terrible. Tell me, Mary, did he have any last requests?"
She says, "That he did,
Father."
The priest says, "What did
he ask, Mary? "
She says, "He said, 'Please Mary, put down
that damn gun!' "
As a kid, I got lectured for
only doing the bare minimum to complete a task.
As an engineer, I get paid to do just that!
"I
told you I was right!" cried the religious teacher, but his friends
insisted that nothing had happened that could not be explained by natural
causes.
The religious teacher was
getting ready to ask for a VERY big sign, but just as he said, "Oh
God...," the sky turned pitch black, the earth shook, and a deep, booming
voice intoned, "HEEEEEEEE'S RIIIIIIIGHT!"
The religious teacher put his
hands on his hips, turned to the other three, and said, "Well?"
"So,"
shrugged one of the other religious teachers, "now it's 3 to 2!"
Sign at a Maternity Clothes Shop.
We Are Open On Labour Day!
I was sitting at a bar one time, when I noticed
that, next to me, an old drunk was hassling one of the biggest, toughest guys
I'd ever seen.
The old guy was clearly
blasted, and kept getting in the tough guy's face, saying, "I made love to
your mother."
Despite being huge and jacked,
the tough guy just kept shrugging it off. The old guy laughed in the tough
guy's face, saying it again. "Hey, I made love to your mother."
Then, the old man even poked
him, and repeated himself, "No seriously, I made love to your
mother."
At this point, finally, the
tough guy had had enough. He grabbed the old man by his jacket and began to
pull him out of the bar, yelling,
"That's it. We're going
home, Dad. You're drunk!"
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