Malaysia Day Jokes 2021

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A couple had not been married for long, when the husband came home one day to find that his wife had disappeared. He got very worried and gathered up all his friends to search for his wife with no success.
Two days after his wife disappeared the man returned home to find her in the kitchen. He asked her what she had been up to and why she hadn't been home for so long.
She replied, "These four men kidnapped me and had wild sex with me for a week."
The husband answered, "But it's only been two days what do you mean a week?"
"I am just here to get something to eat."


Puan Kalsom went to her doctor and said "Please give me a prescription for the Pill."
"I don't think you need the Pill at your age."
"It relaxes me."
"But you know the 'purpose' of the Pill. It's not for relaxing," exclaimed the physician.
"I know," said Puan Kalsom, "but my daughter dates, and every morning I drop one in her orange juice. Believe me, I feel more relaxed.



A group of Americans was touring Ireland. One of the women in the group was a real curmudgeon, constantly complaining. The seats on the bus are uncomfortable. The food is terrible. It's too hot. It's too cold sometimes. The accommodations are awful.
The group arrived at the site of the famous Blarney Stone. "Good luck will flow every single day, from then on, if you kiss the Blarney Stone, the guide said. "Unfortunately, it's being cleaned today and so no one will be able to kiss it. Perhaps we can come back tomorrow."
"We can't be here tomorrow," the nasty woman shouted. "We have some other boring tour to go on. So, I guess we can't kiss the stupid stone."
"Well now," the guide said, "it is said that if you kiss someone who has kissed the stone, you'll have the same good fortune."
"And I suppose you've kissed the stone," the woman scoffed.
"No, ma'am," the frustrated guide said, "but I've sat on it."



I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. 

It's impossible to put down!


Five men influenced the history of the Western civilization.
Moses said the law is everything.
Jesus said love is everything.
Marx said capital is everything.
Freud said sex is everything.
Einstein said everything is relative!



I once got fired from a canned juice company. 

Apparently, I couldn't concentrate!


I made a pencil with two erasers. 

It was pointless!


After twenty years of shaving himself every morning, a man in a small southern town decided he had been doing that long enough. He told his wife that from then on, he would let the local barber shave him each day. The man went to the barbershop which was owned by the pastor of the local church. The barber’s wife, whose name was Grace, shaved him and sprayed him with lilac water. “That will be twenty ringgit,” she said. The man thought the price was a bit high and wondered how he’d continue to foot such a bill, but he paid for the service and went off to work. The next morning, the man looked in the mirror and saw that his face was as smooth as it had been when he left the barbershop the day before. Not bad, he thought. At least I don’t need to get a shave every day. The next morning, the man’s face was still smooth. Two weeks later, the man was still unable to find any trace of whiskers on his face. He couldn’t understand it, so he returned to the barbershop. "I thought twenty ringgit was pricey for a shave,” he told the barber’s wife, “but you must have done a great job. It’s been two weeks and my whiskers still haven’t started growing back. "The woman’s face showed no surprise. “Well, of course,” she said. “ou were shaved by Grace. Once shaved, always shaved!”
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