Luka Tak Nampak Kenapa Blood Is Thicker Than Water Or After All Itu Ibu Ayah Kita Doesn T Always Apply

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Nak share Facebook post by Ailisa Azmi tentang neglected parent and anak-anak yang tersakiti.
Let me spill a secret. About my dad

Yes, you don’t see me posting about him and here’s why. And this might be the first and last post about him. Or I might delete this post later. Who knows

Ni bkn nak mengaibkan. Ni cuma nk create awareness. Baca smpai habis sblm judge

A few years ago, ayah saya sakit jantung. Saya tahu dia sakit jantung tp masa tu saya belum decide utk balik jenguk dia di Kedah, sampailah saya dpt call dari sorang kawan, ex schoolmate saya yg juga ada dlm FB ni. Nanti bila dia baca dia tau la. Anyway, lepas tu saya balik juga la sekejap but that was the last time I met my dad in person. (Ayah saya masih ada di saat saya menaip post ni dan dia boleh ja baca post ni walaupun bkn friends dlm FB, sbb saya set kpd public)
So this friend called me out of nowhere, dia ckp ada org nk ckp dgn saya. Ayah saya rupanya. Padahal Abah saya ada je no fon saya. After talking to my dad, my friend did mentioned something like “balik la tgk ayah hang, bla bla bla” 
lupa nk ckp, kawan saya ni kerja di hospital dan ayah saya warded di hospital tu, tp saya x tau lah cmna boleh kawan saya ni tau tu abah saya, tp saya tau abah saya mmg suka bersembang. also, saya x marah pn kawan saya nasihat saya. sbb dia x tau hujung pangkal. so normal je org nasihat suruh balik jenguh ayah. terima kasih kerana ingatkan
Mama dan abah saya bercerai masa saya tadika. Out of 4 children, my parents decided back then yg depa akan bahagi 2. Abang & Kakak stay dgn mama, saya dan adik lelaki stay dgn Abah. Tp x brp lama, my mom decided to take my lil brother so tinggal la saya dgn Abah dan my stepmom
My stepmom ni, yg saya panggil Ummi, turned out to be the nicest person on Earth. Ummi yg ajar saya solat, pakai tudung, masak, etc. Saya dpt no.9 pn belanja KFC. I always remember her kindness and how she always supported me in everything, including my journey, atau when I went through my divorce. She is the one I always talked to whenever I feel down, or happy. Ummi is the reason kenapa saya bersemangat nk sambung belajar smpai PhD. Sbb dok tgk Ummi pun pulun belajar smpai PhD juga. And I know a few of my friends dlm ni ada yg kenal mak kandung saya (Mama), dan ada yg kenal Ummi saya

But Abah, unfortunately, is a very abusive man. Dpt no.3 dlm kelas pn kena libas dgn tali pinggang. Apa lagi no.9 mmg kena belasah. saya masa sekolah rendah almost every year mmg dpt no1-3 cmtu je kecuali sekali tu ja dpt no.9, so ni bkn sbb saya x pandai belajar okay. Saya ni masa sekolah rendah dh la kecik dan kurus. So imagine when an adult let go his anger, mmg lembik. So hari² dlm ketakutan. Ummi, my stepmom, was my shield. My savior. Abah will try his best not to harm her physically (but he eventually did), so Ummi lah yg byk protected dan shielded me setiap kali Abah naik angin 
Apa je yg x pernah kena? Tali pinggang, tapak tangan, kaki, payung, even kena baling rokok, anything yg dia boleh capai, dan apa saja can triggered him

So after few years, I went back to stay with my real mom, but I cannot really say life’s getting better but that was another story. Kalau ada kekuatan baru saya cerita. 
And Abah, x ckup dgn physical, maki hamun dan cacian ni mmg makanan dia. Sebagaimana laju kaki dan tangan, camtu lah mulut dia. Unfortunately, dia di luar rumah adalah seorang yg tersangatlah lovely dan the loveliest man you will ever meet. Bkn saya sorang kena tp adik² saya (anak² Ummi) pun sama kena

So fast forward, bila membesar, saya menjauhkan diri. Berdikari is my thing. Duduk dgn Abah pn kena pukul dan maki hamun, balik duduk dgn my mom pun not getting any better except x kena abuse physically lah. Pastu dpt laki (now ex) dgn mak mertua, pn sama abusing me emotionally and mentally. most of the time dok dengar bekas MIL sebut mak hang x ajar tu, mak hang x ajar ni, hang ni bini berdosa bla bla.

But eventually I learned to accept my fate. But I also learned to stay away from people who hurt me. X kira sapa. Even my own dad. Or that stupid aunt yg suka screenshot my post dan wasap kat saya kata mcm². (I eventually blocked her)
You see. This is why some people choose to stay away from their parents. Bkn sbb nk jadi anak derhaka. People like us are just protecting ourselves

I’ve been keeping this to myself for years but the more people say “apapun, tu pak hang”, the more I feel hurt. It’s like people keep siding with the parents. Even the abusive ones. Jgn mai guna ayat “apapun dia tu pak hang, apapun dia tu mak hang”. No. You’re not helping at all

And this was the specific reason kenapa saya boleh tau bila ada anak murid kena abuse dgn parents. it takes one victim to know another kan. 
REMEMBER THAT, YOU BEING A PARENT DOES NOT GIVE YOU ANY RIGHT TO ABUSE YOUR KIDS. 
It’s been years. I no longer hate my dad. But I choose to distance myself. Doakan dari kejauhan aje. Kalau dia mesej, saya masih jwb elok² tp biasanya ayat saya “sorry abah, cek x dpt balik sbb busy” atau “sorry abah, cek tgh ada keja”. Tak pernah saya berkasar walaupun jiwa mmg dh kosong utk seorang ayah

Pasal tu bila hampa nampak org tua² kena neglect dgn their kids ka, atau apa² ka, jgn percaya dulu, jgn kecam anak² dulu. sbb kita x tau the truth. Jadi orang tua bukan tiket utk hancurkan kehidupan anak²

As for me, I choose to forgive, to forget, and to distance myself. Dah ckup bagus saya add abah saya dlm HRMIS supaya dia dpt juga treatment percuma bila perlu. But I cannot bring myself to be close to him. Cukupla berbakti dgn cara saya sendiri

You know the hardest part bila membesar dgn abusive parents? You tend to continue the cycle. But I got lucky. I struggle to stop the cycle. I won’t let the same pain that I got, felt by my kids. I even talked to them about my past, and taught them to protect themselves if I ever becoming one. Syukur alhamdulillah I managed to escape the prison. I managed to break free from the cycle

I promised myself not to harm my kids and never to repeat the cycle

Saya cerita bkn utk memalukan sesiapa. Hanya sbg pengajaran. Just because you were in a bad situation, doesn’t mean you cannot break free from the hardships. 
Jgn jadi abuser dgn alasan “aku dulu dibesarkan dgn ayah yg abusive”. No. Jgn la bg alasan “budak² kena ajar dgn tali pinggang baru boleh jd manusia”. Saya jadi manusia pd hari ni bkn sbb Abah saya, tp sbb saya crawled out from that situation. Di rumah saya, up until now my kids dah umur 15 dan 17, rotan pun takde. 
Saya mmg benci gila dgn org yg abuse, atau abuse victim yg abuse pulak org lain dgn alasan dia dibesarkan dgn cara tu. Come on, get yourself some help pls. 
So now you know kenapa saya kadang² bersikap defensive. Saya juga x suka tindakan mendisiplinkan anak atau anak murid adalah dgn mengasari mereka, memalukan mereka atau anything yg akan bg long term effect to the kids. I will never tolerate any kind of abuse dan I will choose to walk away, to protect myself

If you know anyone who is in the same situation, help them. Or if you have tendency to abuse your kids, get help
#StopTheCycle

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