Book 1 Abandon

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Let's begin by structuring your story to guide the reader through the emotional journey, from the pain of abandonment to self-acceptance and healing. Here's an outline based on your description:
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### **Outline for "How I Overcame the Trauma from Being Abandoned as a Child"**
**I. Introduction: The Beginning of My Journey**  - *A. The Day It All Changed*: Describe the moment you were left at your grandmother's house, and the confusion and fear that followed.   - *B. Early Emotional Impact*: Introduce the feeling of abandonment, and how the silence from your family left deep scars on your young mind

**II. Living in Silence and Survival Mode**  - *A. Struggling for Attention and Love*: Describe the emotional void in your life, and how you were forced to grow up too soon
  - *B. Earning Money as a Child*: Share the pressures of working at a young age, and how it added to your feelings of being unwanted and burdened

**III. The Weight of Self-Blame**  - *A. Internalizing the Pain*: Discuss how you began to blame yourself for your family’s actions, believing that something was inherently wrong with you
  - *B. Being Hard on Myself*: Show how this led to perfectionism and being overly critical, setting unrealistic expectations for yourself in an attempt to prove your worth

**IV. A Shift in Perspective**  - *A. Questioning the Narrative*: Explore the moment when you started to doubt the story you had been telling yourself—that you were to blame
  - *B. Discovering a Larger Perspective*: Introduce the idea of the world as a "woven cloth," and that the events of your life, though painful, were part of a much larger pattern

**V. The Healing Process**  - *A. Forgiveness and Acceptance*: Discuss how you began to let go of the self-blame, forgiving yourself and others
  - *B. Embracing Your Story*: Share the realization that your experiences shaped you, but they do not define your worth

**VI. Conclusion: Finding Peace and Purpose**  - *A. Accepting the World as It Is*: Reflect on how you’ve come to accept that life happens on its own terms, and that not everything is within your control
  - *B. Empowered by the Journey*: Close with how this journey has led you to a place of strength and peace, allowing you to live with intention and compassion

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### **Draft:**
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**Introduction**
I was six years old when my world turned upside down. It was the summer of 19XX, a time when children are usually carefree, wrapped in the warmth of family love. But for me, that was the day I was left at my grandmother’s house without explanation. My mother dropped me off at the doorstep, kissed my forehead, and disappeared into the horizon. The silence of her absence was deafening. I didn’t know it then, but this was the moment that would shape my life, creating a ripple of feelings that would take years to untangle

In my grandmother’s house, everything was quiet. Too quiet. They rarely spoke to me. My existence felt like a burden. At such a young age, I was forced to learn that survival meant earning your place. It meant working for money, even though I should’ve been playing in the fields like other children. This was where my journey of self-blame and shame began, and it would take me years to realize that none of this was my fault

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**Body**
**II. Living in Silence and Survival Mode**
As the days turned into years, I became familiar with the silent, cold routine of my new home. My grandmother was kind in her own distant way, but warmth was not something I felt. Every word I spoke was swallowed by silence, and in that silence, I felt like I was disappearing. I was six, and already, I was alone in the world

By the time I was old enough to understand the weight of what had happened, I was already earning money. Not as a choice, but out of necessity. The world had taught me early on that nothing would be handed to me—not love, not care, not safety. Every coin I earned felt like a confirmation of my worthlessness. At the time, I thought this was my fault. I must have been a burden. I must have done something wrong to be abandoned like this

**III. The Weight of Self-Blame**
The worst part of it all wasn’t the physical abandonment—it was the emotional abandonment I carried inside. I internalized everything. I thought, “If my mother left me, there must be something wrong with me.” This belief stuck with me, weaving its way into everything I did. I was hard on myself, expecting nothing less than perfection, because I thought maybe then, I’d finally be enough for someone. 
I blamed myself for everything: for being abandoned, for feeling unloved, for not doing enough. And with every failure, no matter how small, the self-blame grew heavier. The voice in my head whispered, “You’re not worth it. You never were.”
**IV. A Shift in Perspective**
It wasn’t until much later that I began to question these thoughts. I remember one night, lying in bed, wondering: What if I wasn’t to blame? What if my mother’s actions weren’t a reflection of me? This was the moment everything started to shift. It wasn’t immediate, but that question planted a seed of doubt in the story I’d been telling myself

Life, I realized, was a vast, intricate pattern, like a woven cloth. My experiences, painful as they were, were just a thread in the larger design. I didn’t control the weave, but I was part of it. Slowly, I began to see that the pain, the abandonment—it wasn’t about me. It was about the circumstances, the choices of others, the complexities of life. None of it was my fault

**V. The Healing Process**
As I began to understand this, healing followed. I stopped blaming myself. I stopped being so hard on myself. The forgiveness came slowly, but it did come—first for myself, and then for my mother. I realized that by holding onto the pain, I was only hurting myself more. I couldn’t change the past, but I could change how I saw it

I embraced my story. It was no longer a burden but a testament to my strength. I had survived, not because I was perfect, but because I was resilient

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**Conclusion**
Now, as I look back, I see the world differently. It is not a place where everything is fair or where we always get what we deserve. The world is vast, unpredictable, and sometimes, it hurts us in ways we don’t understand. But I have learned to accept that life happens on its own terms. I have come to see that I am not broken. I am a part of a bigger story, one that weaves together joy and pain, loss and healing

I have found peace in knowing that the world, with all its flaws, is still beautiful. And I am not to blame for the things that happened to me. I am simply a thread in the great woven cloth of life

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What else would you like me to include or clarify? If there are specific moments or feelings you’d like to emphasize, I can expand on those as well

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