Sunday Jokes 84

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Four old timers were playing their weekly game of golf, and one remarked how for Christmas this year he'd love to wake up on Christmas morning, roll out of bed and without an argument go directly to the golf course, meet his buddies and play a round.
His buddies all chimed in and said, "Let's do it! We'll make it a priority, figure out a way and meet here early on Christmas morning."
Months later, that special morning arrives, and there they are on the course. 

The first guy says, "Boy, this game cost me a fortune! I bought my wife such an expensive diamond ring that she can't take her eyes off it."
Number 2 guy says, "I spent a ton too. My wife is at home planning the cruise I gave her. She was up to her eyeballs in brochures."
Number 3 guy says " Well, my wife is at home admiring her new car, reading the manual."
They all turn to the last guy in the group and he is staring at them like they have lost their minds. "I can't believe you all went to such expense for this golf game. I patted my wife on the butt and said, 'Well babe, is it sex or golf?' and she said, 'Take your sweater, looks like it might be windy out there'!"



Where do snowmen keep their savings?

In the snowbank!


Muggins: "Yes, I'm living out in the country now. It certainly has it inconveniences."
Buggins: "What do you miss most?"
Muggins: "The last train home at night."



Wayne was returning home from a business trip, bags in hand, and slowly making his way to his vehicle in the crowded airport garage. Suddenly a large dark car screeched to a stop in front of Wayne, and the driver pointed menacingly at him. "Get in," the driver ordered. "I'll take you to your car."
Startled, Wayne took a step backward. "Ah... no thanks," he answered. "I can get there myself."
"No!" the man barked back as he threw open his passenger side door. "Get In!"
Wayne's eyes now darted around the garage, hoping to find a security guard.
Just then, the driver's face softened...
"Please," he said, "I've been driving up and down for two hours. I can't find a space to park and I want yours!"


Whenever you jump on a trampoline, did you know it changes the season?

No matter what time of year, it always becomes spring time!
 
A mother was anxiously awaiting her daughter's plane. She had just come back from a faraway land trying to find adventure.
As the daughter was exiting the plane, the mother noticed a man directly behind her daughter dressed in feathers with exotic markings all over his body and carrying a shrunken head. The daughter introduced this man as her new husband.
The mother gasped in disbelief and disappointment and screamed, "I told you to marry a RICH Doctor! A RICH Doctor!



What do you call a musician with problems?

A trebled man!


Starting an online conversation between a wife and a husband who happens to be a software engineer.
Husband : (Returning late from work) "Good Evening Dear, I'm now logged in."
Wife : Have you brought the grocery? 

Husband : Bad command or filename.
Wife : But I told you in the morning. 

Husband : Erroneous syntax. Abort?
Wife : What about my new TV? 

Husband : Variable not found ...
Wife : At least, give me your Credit Card, I want to do some shopping. 

Husband : Sharing Violation. Access denied...
Wife : Do you love me or do you only love computers or are you just being funny? Husband : Too many parameters ...
Wife : It was a great mistake that I married an idiot like you. 

Husband : Data type mismatch.
Wife : You are useless. 

Husband : It's by Default.
Wife : What about your Salary? 

Husband : File in use ... Try after some time.
Wife : What is my value in the family. 

Husband : Unknown Virus.


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