Harsh Scolding Was Considered A Normal Part Of Hostel Life

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KOTA KINABALU, Sept 29 — A witness in the inquest into the death of 13-year-old Zara Qairina Mahathir told the court that harsh scolding by senior students was a common and accepted part of hostel culture

Lawyer Shahlan Jufri said that junior students, from Form One to Form Three, were expected to go through similar treatment from seniors because the seniors had experienced it themselves

“The witness said such scolding from senior students were considered a normal part of hostel life,” he said.
I've read the above statement from Zara Qairina inquest article, story by Julia Chan this morning. Reading all this news membangkitkan all my trauma and second-hand embarrassment that have been suppressed for years. That feeling of "lump in your throat" when you witness or experience injustice, the kind that makes your stomach clench—it’s valid. It’s the sound of our inner moral compass screaming

And yes, what a stupid statement. This idea of "it's a norm, so it's okay" is the very definition of a broken system. It’s the ultimate failure of leadership and continuous improvement. 
These seniors were taught that power justifies abuse. The system needs to train empathy, responsible leadership, and positive communication as mandatory skills, not just academic subjects

That kind of negative culture is exactly what gets carried forward into the working world. Office politics, my foot! Seriously, office politics is just adult bullying. Can we just show up to work, do our best, and remember why we are working in the first place? We are adults, aren't we

IMHO, I see that witness statement not as an excuse, but as a clear-cut Systemic Defect (a Root Cause of toxic culture). People who didn't accept this "norm" become the problem? That's just the bullies trying to shift the blame onto the victims and the decent bystanders. It’s Groupthink at its most destructive—a terrible process flow where humiliation is the intended output eh

Where's the the foundational values of "Bahasa Jiwa Bangsa" or "Budi Bahasa Budaya Kita" which calls for courtesy, respect, and character, and the spiritual truth:
لا يَسْتَقيمُ إِيمانُ عبدٍ حتَّى يَستَقيمَ قلبُه، ولا يَسْتَقيمُ قلبُه حتَّى يَستَقيمَ لسانُه، ولا يدخُلُ الجنَّةَ رجُلٌ لا يَأْمَنُ جارُه بَوائِقَه
“Tidak akan lurus iman seorang hamba sampai hatinya lurus. Dan tidak akan lurus hatinya sampai lisannya menjadi lurus. Dan tidak akan masuk seseorang ke dalam surga yang tetangganya tidak aman dari gangguannya,” (HR. Ahmad)
Senang cerita there's no such thing as "Aku ni mulut je jahat (mengumpat, mengutuk, sindir, caci maki, mencarut, etc), tapi hati aku baik." 
Nope. Your words are the direct, measurable output of your heart and mind. Full stop. 
In Social Psychology, we call that cognitive dissonance—trying to hold two conflicting beliefs ("I am a good person" and "I use my words to tear others down")—and the mind's cheap trick to resolve it is to lie and say, "My words don't count,"
No, Words Count. They build, and they destroy. When they destroy, it is a reflection of a sickness within the individual and, worse, within the organizational culture that allows it. That toxic hostel culture is a process that needs not just fixing, but a complete re-engineering.
I'm a mom. Of course lah kita risau. We raise our children to be safe and kind, only for institutions to implicitly tell them: "Suffer through this cruelty because it's tradition," Protecting our children from this learned helplessness is a fight we must continue

Read more: My Scars from Bullying & The Fear I Have for My Son(s)

Jadi macam mana? Do we just retreat and avoid people altogether? Does this make homeschooling the only sensible option? Don't even get me started on the systemic issues of capitalism and how it forces us to participate in environments that are clearly broken. 
Honestly, if someone miraculously dropped RM2.6 billion into my lap (a girl can dream!), I’d probably just take my boys somewhere remote, create our own little utopia, and maybe start a super chill, knowledge-sharing cult where kindness is the only rule. Just kidding... mostly. But the sentiment is real: when the world feels this toxic, it’s hard not to dream about simply opting out

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