A Modest Proposal For Our Politicians

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Some three centuries ago, Jonathan Swift, the Anglo-Irish satirist and author of “Gulliver’s Travels” wrote an essay: “A Modest Proposal for Preventing the Children of Poor People from Being A Burden to Their Parents or Country, and for Making Them Beneficial To The Public”.
Swift was outraged at the ineptitude of the politicians, the hypocrisy of the wealthy, the tyranny of the ruling elites and the squalor and degradation of the common people of Ireland, struggling to put food on the table. Sounds familiar?
In his “A Modest Proposal”, Swift advocated breeding the children of the poor as food for the wealthy, providing reasons and numbers to show it was a viable like how most projects are justified, contrary to reason, good sense and morality. Say, like the Urban Renewal Bill.
He showed how the economic value of children’s meat is to be computed and suggested menus best suited to their flesh, like a fricasee, a stew with pieces of meat served in a sauce flavoured with cooking stock. Or a ragout, a meat dish that claims to restore the appetite.
Of course, no God-fearing Malaysian will support Swift’s modest proposal even as our politicians indulge themselves, spending and stealing the wealth of future generations.
Swift, on the other hand, was consistent: politicians who care little for future generations should at least make the sale of baby meat a profitable business.
I disagree with Swift for a different reason. It’s not these poor babies who keep me awake at night, but the impoverished souls of our politicians of all creeds and colours who have resorted to every kind of thieving under the heavens.
How could anyone steal millions and still be God-fearing, spending their waking hours in piety and prayer?
Blinded by the devil?
A quick look at the extent of thieving: Our sixth prime minister stole millions and is now appealing for house arrest, the MACC is liaising with the UK on assets owned by our seventh prime minister, the subsequent one faces charges of abuse of power and money laundering of millions, and RM169 million was seized from the aides of our ninth premier. And there is yet more!
Some have been let off the hook by a discharge not amounting to an acquittal (DNAA), which, you must surely agree, sounds uncannily Swiftian. One can only assume these poor souls were temporarily blinded by the devil, whose trickery knows no bounds. Poor things!
There are also politicians who have avoided the courts when the Attorney-General’s Chambers wrote across thick files, “No further action”, in large block letters as a warning to others not to reopen their cases. They, too, were tricked by the devil working overtime.
There are still more politicians who have not been brought to court for lack of sufficient public protest, not counting the people who huffed and puffed on the whistle until they were blue. Perhaps it was only a dog whistle, which begs the question whether we also need a “Dog Whistle Blower Act”.
What is to be done now to make our politicians “beneficial to the public”, to use Swift’s language, even if they are easily tricked by the devil who seems to have taken a particular liking for our political classes? Many will disagree, but I believe with all my heart these poor souls deserve a second chance.
The proposal
I shall therefore propose my own modest thoughts, which I trust will not be objected to among right-thinking Malaysians, disgusted as they are. But firstly, we must own up to being dumb, electing politicians whose right hand cannot forget its cunning, especially when it is guided by the devil’s left hand.
To redeem these politicians, I propose that 30 percent of the national budget be set aside as a reward for keeping their hands and their noses clean and that this figure be the main issue in every general election. It makes for better economic planning and management, allowing planners to limit the spoils and leakages of our national wealth.
Based on the Budget 2025, which had an allocation of RM421 billion, our politicians will rake in a cool RM126 billion without resorting to thieving, wheeler-dealing, looting or holding clandestine meetings in the condos of their aides and hangers-on or dealing with an army of “ma chai” (sycophants), each clamouring for a cut.
Prime Minister Anwar IbrahimThis generous handout will also see a return of civility and goodwill in Parliament, with everyone officially having a hand in the pie, leaving the prime minister with the easy task of deciding which politician gets how much, directly banked into their accounts, before deciding how the remaining 70 percent of the budget is spent, running the government.
Almost immediately, we will see savings spent on the MACC, the police, AGC, Customs Department, Immigration Department, the judiciary and in developmental expenditure.
We can expect a sharp drop in the prices of bridges, roads, power stations, littoral ships, helicopters, armaments, drains, canals and irrigation works…and onions.
Further, to prevent these now well-fed politicians from being bribed by the business community, including developers, it will be made compulsory for them, their spouses, and their children to open bank accounts with Bank Negara Malaysia and these be monitored by the MACC as part of crime prevention and deterrence.
In ending this modest proposal, allow me to declare that I have no personal interest in promoting the welfare of our politicians, having no plans for myself or my children or a family member to enter politics, seeking only the redemption of our easily misled politicians and to advance the happiness of my country and its people.
To which I would like to add that we should all be ashamed of having done little for our politicians, constantly burdened by the fear of the Hereafter, other than voting them into office without any regard for their moral well-being, and then expecting them not to steal our money when our backs are turned.
But now, if my modest proposal is accepted, politicians of all stripes and colours will no longer regard future generations as easy meat. - Mkini
MURALE PILLAI is a former GLC employee. He runs a logistics company.
The views expressed here are those of the author/contributor and do not necessarily represent the views of MMKtT.

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