A Comedy Of Errors In New Silly Season On Campus

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It must be the silly season again. But in Malaysia the silly season can last the entire year, or decades and even centuries. We’re still in January, so there’s plenty more to look forward to.
There was plenty of excitement recently about a book published by UxM, one of our universities, whose name I don’t want to mention because I’m feeling kindly (and also out of loyalty to a fellow Penangite).
The book told a story about a person from the far reaches of history who claimed to be a Malay, landed in China – please don’t take my use of the word “landed” as an acknowledgement of said person’s aeronautical abilities – and performed various miraculous feats, including flying through the air with the greatest of ease.
If that’s true, then the tales of the Wright brothers who were the first to fly a heavier-than-air machine only as recently as 1903 pales in comparison to the derring-do of said Malay warrior, apparently the first heavier-than-air human to fly many centuries earlier.
Based on the illustration in the book, the warrior looked more like a proto-Malay than a regular Malay.
Proto-Malay is variously translated as Melayu Asli or Melayu Purba, or even (God forbid) Melayu Tua, which seems like an apt description of me and some of my mates.
Congratulations, UxM, that’s all we need from a university set up to focus on the subject of x.
A young lass on board
Not to be outdone, another university which I’ll generously call UyM also managed to hog the headlines, and as in UxM’s case, probably involuntarily.
The internet was agog about the news of the appointment of a young lass, albeit a ‘Datuk’ (which in one sense of the word may make her also a Melayu Tua), to UyM’s board of directors.
Honestly, it’s not that strange to see a board member with her qualifications. I’ve come across many board members whose only qualifications are a functioning spinal cord and having retired from an important government position.
This young lass’s spinal cord is definitely intact, and while she hasn’t retired, perhaps she’s warming the seat for somebody else when he retires from his own important government position.
Making the connection
Of course, her father is a senior ruling coalition politician, that’s the Malaysia Boleh way.
Should I ever become a senior politician, I too may want to appoint any of my daughters to such an exalted position. It’s every daddy’s dream, whether you’re a Melayu Asli, Melayu Purba or just Melayu Tua.
(I hope Universiti Malaya will stay out of the headlines, as I’ve no easy way to hide its identity. It doesn’t have any x or y in its name, and if I were to refer to it as UzeroM I’m sure that’ll give things away in a second).
Are we surprised by all these comedies happening in our public universities? Not really.
We all know of some really dedicated and smart people in our universities, but unfortunately those up there running things are pretty good at making themselves the butt of jokes by doing or permitting silly stuff to happen under their watch.
No political furore?
What should be surprising is the lack of comments from the usual suspects: politicians of all stripes who enjoy screaming at every opportunity about chicken ham sandwiches and offensive sandals and socks.
I can imagine why the non-Malay politicians choose to stay clear of such landmines, but it’s a bit more perplexing as to why so many Malay ones choose not to capitalise on these and become heroes of social media and perhaps of a small number of us Melayu Asli, Melayu Purba or even Melayu Tua.
It’s ironic that the Malays of old were much wiser than the current lot, even if they probably couldn’t fly. They had a variety of proverbs to aptly describe the shenanigans happening during their time, and those certainly still apply today.
Stepping in the doo-doo
One old proverb that comes to mind is the one that mentions chicken, albeit indirectly. It goes like this: “kokok berderai-derai, ekor bergelumang tahi”. A rough translation is that of a proud rooster crowing proudly while its tail scrapes its own droppings.
This may be a hard one for youngsters to understand, since many have never seen a live chicken save for those in advertisements for fast food restaurants.
The Melayu Tua would certainly get the reference, as many of us grew up in kampungs and often inadvertently joined the rooster in scraping off its droppings.
Our saving grace was that we knew we had stepped in the doodoo, and I doubt any of us crowed proudly after that. The rooster doesn’t, and carries on with its proud, if rather silly, crowing unaware of the rather comical situation it’s in.
But anyway, such are the times nowadays. If even the exalted centres of higher learning, including the many U(something)M, aren’t beyond spreading a bit of comedy to lighten the mood of these dark days, who are we to say otherwise?
Let the roosters do what roosters do. It’s in their nature. Ask any Melayu Tua. - FMT
The views expressed are those of the writer and do not necessarily reflect those of MMKtT.

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